Stand by Me

          因为一个又一个巧合，我终于在到过青岛的三年后第一次有机会在青岛度个悠闲的“观光周末”。一直被人告知青岛是个适宜居住的美丽城市，大海近在咫尺，喝不尽的啤酒，吃不尽的新鲜海产，带着德国殖民文化的遗迹，新鲜的海风还有起伏的山林，简直就是尽得山水，唾手可得的悠然与小资 -- 当然，这些都是传闻，事实如何，很想求证一下:-)
        在网上选了名称和“看上去”性价比都相当不错的一家酒店“青岛海滩古堡酒店”，不过后来才知道，原来真是德国监狱改的，取了其中的一栋，估计我现在坐着打字的这间就是个“号所”，透过窗口，对面的铁窗近在咫尺，向下看去，可以看到百年前监狱的高墙。忽然想，对面的窗如果突然打开，一个高鼻梁囚犯隔着铁窗和我打招呼的话，不知道是用英文还是德文呢？其实这个酒店从陈设、服务上来说，充其量也就是个三星左右的小旅馆。但是，从照片上看还是很有异国风情的，一个很有特色的旅馆，离海滨、八大关和栈桥都很近，非常浪漫的地方，挺值得一住，只是性价比没那么高。估计老板的品味和经营理念实在不能恭维，白白浪费了这样好的一个地方，可惜~~~（可惜的N次方！）
       今天是个蓝天白云的好天，阳光在傍晚时分尤为亲切。一如我到任何一个陌生城市的习惯 -- 沿着主道走走，看看，然后找到一家超市购齐几天的食物（零食）和饮用水。沿着海岸线，左手边是大海和海风吹来的咸腥味，右手边是隐没在树荫里的上世纪欧洲风格的建筑，车来车往虽然热闹，但却并不拥挤，偶尔有人在酒店外的吧区对着马路喝东西、聊天，让我想起欧洲。果然是很舒适，很闲散的感觉！期间，抓拍了几张小猫，小狗的照片，很奇怪，总觉得这里的猫、狗也比上海的要慵懒，闲散很多。最搞笑的是拍到的那只黑猫，吐着舌头，眼皮好象硬撑着睁开的，让我想到上课打瞌睡又强撑着不睡过去的学生时代。。。在靠近栈桥的地方，找到了一家百盛超市，买到所有的东西出来时已是华灯初上，凉风习习。打不到车的我站在路边，车水马龙仍不能让人感到忙碌或拥挤，我静静站在那里，没有打不到车的焦躁，好象在看一幕电影里的场景。
       明天，要好好看看八大关，感觉一下走在上世纪欧洲小城的错觉。
       于是，早晨一个懒觉以后（但是晚上忘了开空调，睡得不好），我向着八大关的方向进发。才走出酒店不到10分钟，看到一家隐秘在山坡上的“艺术酒店”，隐约透出的一个古堡一样的建筑吸引了我的好奇心，我沿着上坡路走进去，居然发觉一家非常FANCY的DREAM HOTEL。用老式的别墅改建的酒店，里面的装修是经典与现代的结合，加上树影婆娑下的阵阵凉风和少许温暖的阳光，简直是闹中取静的曲径通幽处。太喜欢这个地方，挑了个老松树荫庇下的露天坐，点了杯拿铁，好好消费一下这种奢侈的度假感觉。后来才知道，原来这个酒店就在以前的总督府边上，估计就是总督府的别苑改的，难怪！难怪！
      出了梦幻型酒店，继续往八大关方向走，走了一段有些累，看看时间也快到饭点，打了部车想找地方吃饭。因为很想吃螃蟹，就想去青岛的海鲜批发市场看看，可是司机得知我想吃螃蟹而已，直接把我带到了最近的农贸市场，意思是没必要跑那么远。多年未进菜场的我在里面转了圈，有些茫然。然后就是一位卖蟹的大婶，为了卖蟹给我，告诉我可以买了到后面卖盒饭的地方付费加工（蒸一下而已）。于是，我吃了生平第一顿“菜场民工餐”。坐在一个低矮到类似蹲着的矮凳上，周围的环境不是一般的差劲，拍了张照留作纪念以后开始大啃我的螃蟹。很有意思的一顿午饭。
      吃完出来，打了个车到八大关，开始沿着山路走。环境果然幽静，随处可见的小绿地上拍婚纱的，野餐的，烧烤的，露营的，一派悠然自得的景象。我悠悠地晃着，一直晃到“花石楼” -- 建在靠海山崖上的最有名的古堡别墅。不知道为什么，望着这个带有瞭望台，看似小古堡的别墅，让我想到加勒比海盗。貌似这是唯一个开放且收费的老建筑，价格虽然不贵，但看着成堆的游客，瞬间令我失去了亲近它的欲望。也就是在周围和沙滩上拍了好几张远远近近的照片而已。之后，我坐在细软的沙滩上，望着被虎苔污染着海岸线的大海，无聊地打发起时间。眼前的海岸已经斑斑驳驳地一片绿，海藻的腥味，让我有说不出的滋味 -- 突然很怀念20年前爸爸来青岛旅游的照片上那白浪阵阵的浅蓝色大海。而眼前的这片海，和记忆中属于上海的那片让人甚至于有些唾弃的近海有多少的差别呢？沿着海滩向栈道的方向走，中途经过一家很有风情的餐厅酒吧，看看时间，才下午3点不到，天阴霾得让人有些犯困，于是点了杯咖啡，对着大海，继续发呆。
      喝完咖啡看看时间，还很早，于是沿着海边的栈道继续向栈桥方向走去。走走停停，傍晚十分和人潮一同涌上栈桥，吹着海风看着潮水阵阵，到处是人却倍感孤独。对着防潮堤又发一会儿呆，往回走。一路上是热闹的拣地摊的人们。晚上找了加饺子馆，吃想念了一年多的鲅鱼饺子，还多要了份蛤蜊馅的，然后沿着中山路安静的街道往酒店走。经过一家叫做“海伦雅居”的旧货店（或者店主可能想说是古董店吧），不经意在里面发现一套爸爸妈妈结婚时一模一样的咖啡杯，茶色玻璃的，倍感亲切，可惜担心带回去的路上会碎，最终没有买，或者有缘再见一次就已经很好了，何必非得拥有呢。入夜的路上人很好，出奇地安静，这个季节很好，凉风吹着法国梧桐的树影，偶尔迎面出现一个溜狗的。也没有不安全的感觉，因为每个岔路口都有警车停着 -- 不知道是不是因为国庆的原因。

     最后一天，在酒店赖个床看电视，去海边晒晒太阳，回来吃顿好的，再去海鲜市场下血本买了百来块钱的螃蟹带会家显摆显摆（这个不推荐，事实证明任何看似厚道的人都不值得相信！）。买蟹时，我开玩笑说，一直听说山东人厚道，可我这辈子一直吃山东人亏（原话好像是被山东人骗）。结果-- 又TM被骗一次，没办法，我称这个为life cost。不过，我还是欢天喜地地带着一份奢侈心情离开了青岛，在青岛的这种散漫与悠闲其实是很奢侈的，有时我在想，是不是我经历太多这样的“奢侈”才注定了我的孤单，因为人是不能活得太安逸的。

One is always on a strange road, watching strange scenery and listening to strange music. Then one day, you will find that the things you try hard to forget are already gone.

Happiness is not about being immortal nor having food or rights in one's hand. It's about having each tiny wish come true, or having something to eat when you are hungry or having someone's love when you need love.

Love is a lamp, while friendship is the shadow. When the lamp is off, you will find the shadow everywhere. Friend is who can give you strength at last.

I love you not for who you are, but for who I am before you.

Love makes man grow up or sink down.

If you can hold something up and put it down, it is called weight-lifting; if you can hold something up but can never put it down, it's called burden-bearing. Pitifully, most of people are bearing heavy burdens when they are in love.

We all live in the past. We take a minute to know someone, one hour to like someone, and one day to love someone, but the whole life to forget someone.

One may fall in love with many people during the lifetime. When you finally get your own happiness, you will understand the previous sadness is kind of treasure, which makes you better to hold and cherish the people you love.

When you are young, you may want several love experiences. But as time goes on, you will realize that if you really love someone, the wholelife will not be enough. You need time to know, to forgive, and to love. All this needs a very big mind.

When tomorrow turns in today, yesterday, and someday that no more important in your memory, we suddenly realize that we're pushed forward by time. This is not a train in still in which you may feel forward when another train goes by. It is the truth that we've all grown up. And we become different.

If you leave me, please don't comfort me because each sewing has to meet stinging pain.

Don't forget the things you once owned. Treasure the things you can't get. Don't give up the things that belong to you and keep those lost things in memory.

I love and am used to keeping a distance with those changed things. Only in this way can I know what will not be abandoned by time. For example, when you love someone, changes are all around. Then I step backward and watching it silently, then I see the true feelings.

Men love from overlooking while women love from looking up. If love is a mountain, then if men go up, more women they will see while women will see fewer men.

Good love makes you see the whole world from one person while bad love makes you abandon the whole world for one person.

We shall always save a place for ourselves, only for ourselves. And then begin to love. Have no idea of what it is, who he is, how to love or how long it will be. Just wait for one love. Maybe no one will come out, but this kind of waiting is the love itself.

Is there anyone who hasn't suffered for the secret love? We always think that love is very heavy, and could be the heaviest thing in the world. But one day, when you look back, you suddenly realize that it's always light. We all thought love was very deep, but in fact it's very thin. The deepest and heaviest love must grow up with the time.

In this world, only those men who really feel happy can give women happiness.

An unacceptable love needs no sorrow but time - sometime for forgetting. A badly-hurt heart needs no sympathy but understanding.

I know someone in the world is waiting for me, although I've no idea of who he is. But I feel happy every day for this.

In your life, there will at least one time that you forget yourself for someone, asking for no result, no company, no ownership, nor love. Just ask for meeting you in my most beautiful years.

I don't think that when people grow up, they will become more broad-minded and can accept everything. Conversely, I think it's a selecting process, knowing what's the most important and what's the least. And then be a simple man.

When you feel hurt and your tears are gonna to drop. Please look up and have a look at the sky once belongs to us. If the sky is still vast, clouds are still clear, you shall not cry because my leave doesn't take away the world that belongs to you.

-- And I know, I have my Pandora's Box.

    　BL剧终有段时间了，电脑里一直留着最后那几集，看不下去也舍不得删。对我这个中国人来说，这是部让人爱并迷惑着的片子。很多剧情涉及太多文化背景和敏感话题，而我对美国的法律制度并没有什么基本的背景了解。Alan的结案陈词总是让我觉得又长又不切重点，可偏偏就是那样的结案词，每次都能让他绝地反弹。此外，里面的很多案件，总让我唏嘘 - 天！这个是个怎样的国家？？！当然，里面的人也成天唏嘘 - 天！我们不是在中国！（潜台词，我们不能像中国那么可怕）。
     好了，唠了半天。我想感慨的不是这部高敏感性的美剧，而是我身为女人的另一项唏嘘：天！如果我要做女人，就要做Ｓｈｉｒｅｌｙ　Ｓｃｈｉｍｄｔ那样的女人，那种60岁时还熠熠发光，从内透出魅力的女人。那绝对是种境界，拥有独立的思想和社会地位，却始终扮演一个女性的角色，没有那种女强人的乖张与特立独行。。。唉，如果我的容颜老去，我希望我的光芒依旧。
     只是。。。如何才能达到那样的境界呢？今天记在这里，看时间能沉淀出什么来 :-P